Why I Call Him my Partner not my Husband

 The term husband can be traced back to the Old Nordic hūsbōndi which means the house-dweller, owner or manager. The term wife originates from the old German ‘Weiß,’ meaning simply ‘woman’ but it extends out sideways to include other early forms with shameful sexual undertones. Immediately there is a mismatch in status between these two historical words. But it’s not this! This is too abstract to incite my stubborn pedantism alone. 

IN 2021  I’m in solidarity with my LGBTQ+  friends who, at least in some circumstances, are obliged to take a risk every time they mention their relationship in a new social setting.  Imagine the already daunting task of making small talk with new people but having to avoid pronouns. This is a drop in the ocean of mitigations anyone with non-conventional preferences is required to navigate on a daily basis.  

And it was only a few decades ago that women going for interviews would be routinely asked if they were married or single, or it could be ascertained simply by looking at their title of Miss or Mrs and the bias would be set from there.... so I’m a Ms (said Mzz) thank you very much and mind your own! 

Still there is a certain comfort in being called someone’s wife. The sense of belonging is intoxicating, and I’m glad to hear many same-sex couples celebrate that assertion. In truth I don’t personally mind it. But until not an eyelid is bat, until the bitter pill is not only swallowed but tasty, until a person’s sexual preferences are irrelevant, not grinned at or merely bore, I will call him my partner not my husband. And the more of us that are happy to neutralise this loaded denominator and strengthen the cloak of ambiguity for our friends, the better.