Many Kinds of Love

When people find out what I do it often sparks a conversation about love and relationships. A surprising number of people open up to me about their personal experience of love while others confess their reservations about marriage and ‘the whole death do we part thing’ (I’m uncomfortable with that too, by the way).

I have met plenty of couples who think its ‘a bit too late’ to celebrate their relationship. Especially those who have had children or been together for many years without ever celebrating their togetherness. Some have fallen in love, bought a place together, the honeymooning period has passed and they have moved into a new kind of love which almost doesn’t ‘seem worth celebrating’.

It's as if the only kind of love that’s worth celebrating is that heady infatuation born on the wings of Eros. But surely this is a dreadful shame, as it undervalues the many types of love that exists between people.

Why is it that we generally only celebrate this one? Many people do not even experience that intensity in the first place. One wonders to what extent popular culture and the fetishization of love is responsible for the lack of value people seem to place on their own unique experience.

In a lot of cultures, at the point of marriage it is rarely the love of Eros they are celebrating. In the absence of an existing, loving relationship, the ceremony seems to focus on the years of cooperation and mutuality yet to come.

It would be difficult to list the many versions of love or affinity that must be out there. It is hard enough for couples to describe it themselves. But I’m in a privileged position with this job since an aspect of what I do is extract the best part of a couple’s dynamic and bring it into light and into ceremony. It’s such a beautiful process.

Having years of cooperation and reciprocity under your belt really is something to celebrate. If this is you, it’s high time to throw a party, jump the broom or perform a handfasting! Have your children write your vows based on your authentic reality, tell it like it is, and build a fire to acknowledge your fabulous past, present and future.

Clare is an independent Celebrant who specialises in bespoke ceremonies. Visit I Do Declare for more details.