Category: Handfasting Ceremonies

A lot of people when they start thinking about their wedding know straight away that they don’t want to get married in a church. They start thinking about alternatives and many have heard about humanist weddings and humanist celebrants. Although I do marry humanist couples, I am not a member of the humanist society, because I would never pass their very rigorous screening process! Primarily because I am not at all fixed on the idea of there being a God or not a God. 

As I wrote to a potential client recently, “I am usually quite private about how [God/Spirit/Magick] manifests for me as I do see it as deeply personal and experiential”. There’s no way I could articulate how I arrived at the complex set of beliefs and philosophy that shapes who I am today, let alone expect anyone else to take these on as their own! 

Humanists are generally sure that there is no God, and prefer to rationalise away any experiences one might have that could lead towards a spiritual belief. I prefer the openness of agnosticism as it allows me to lean into the rituals and ceremonial aspects of my life that work so well to ground me and connect me to the great unknown. 

If rationalism and logic don’t always work for you you are probably not a humanist. Consider instead creating a bespoke wedding ceremony with an independent celebrant (like me!) who will work with you to create something with depth, meaning, and maybe even a little bit of the mystic!

To find out more about my celebrant services click here or feel free send me a message click here

I was together with my partner Martin for 2 years before we got hitched. He was very serious about me from the start but I was a whimsical singleton at the time and was, for the large part, bemused by Martin’s steadfast intentions! And here we are 12 years on and still holding hands in the supermarket.

The best thing about my marriage is the sense of camaraderie that we have between us. We are mostly on the same page and moving in the same direction, and that is reaffirming and joyful.

10 years ago we stood at the front of all the people who love us and declared our vows. We said these special, once-in-a-lifetime words to each other. Words that were risky, and that made us vulnerable. Why ever would we do that? Well I know now, why vows are so important and dare I say, sacred. They validate everything that has come before, the intensity of connection, the development of deep love, the passion, the butterflies. Because over time, when those things become less intense we might wonder if it ever happened, or if it really mattered. 

The ritual creates a point of reference. Particularly in this throw-away culture, with divorce rates higher than ever and young people struggling to find real connections in their dating experiences. Marriage structures love and creates a holding space for us to grow, not just as an individual, but as a person among other persons.

With this in mind it might just be time to start the next part of your journey. If your partner is kind and reliable, and your friends and family love them too, I would say you’ve found a keeper! 

I talk more about the value of ceremony in this section of my website. 

And of course if you are looking for a celebrant to hold your wedding ceremony then you have found me, please do get in touch!

When people find out what I do it often sparks a conversation about love and relationships. A surprising number of people open up to me about their personal experience of love while others confess their reservations about marriage and ‘the whole death do we part thing’ (I’m uncomfortable with that too, by the way).

I have met plenty of couples who think its ‘a bit too late’ to celebrate their relationship. Especially those who have had children or been together for many years without ever celebrating their togetherness. Some have fallen in love, bought a place together, the honeymooning period has passed and they have moved into a new kind of love which almost doesn’t ‘seem worth celebrating’.

It’s as if the only kind of love that’s worth celebrating is that heady infatuation born on the wings of Eros. But surely this is a dreadful shame, as it undervalues the many types of love that exists between people.

Why is it that we generally only celebrate this one? Many people do not even experience that intensity in the first place. One wonders to what extent popular culture and the fetishization of love is responsible for the lack of value people seem to place on their own unique experience.

In a lot of cultures, at the point of marriage it is rarely the love of Eros they are celebrating. In the absence of an existing, loving relationship, the ceremony seems to focus on the years of cooperation and mutuality yet to come.

It would be difficult to list the many versions of love or affinity that must be out there. It is hard enough for couples to describe it themselves. But I’m in a privileged position with this job since an aspect of what I do is extract the best part of a couple’s dynamic and bring it into light and into ceremony. It’s such a beautiful process.

Having years of cooperation and reciprocity under your belt really is something to celebrate. If this is you, it’s high time to throw a party, jump the broom or perform a handfasting! Have your children write your vows based on your authentic reality, tell it like it is, and build a fire to acknowledge your fabulous past, present and future.

I am a wedding celebrant in Bristol who specialises in bespoke wedding ceremonies, find out more here about wedding celebrants and what I can offer.

 The term husband can be traced back to the Old Nordic hūsbōndi which means the house-dweller, owner or manager. The term wife originates from the old German ‘Weiß,’ meaning simply ‘woman’ but it extends out sideways to include other early forms with shameful sexual undertones. Immediately there is a mismatch in status between these two historical words. But it’s not this! This is too abstract to incite my stubborn pedantism alone. 

IN 2021  I’m in solidarity with my LGBTQ+  friends who, at least in some circumstances, are obliged to take a risk every time they mention their relationship in a new social setting.  Imagine the already daunting task of making small talk with new people but having to avoid pronouns. This is a drop in the ocean of mitigations anyone with non-conventional preferences is required to navigate on a daily basis.  

And it was only a few decades ago that women going for interviews would be routinely asked if they were married or single, or it could be ascertained simply by looking at their title of Miss or Mrs and the bias would be set from there…. so I’m a Ms (said Mzz) thank you very much and mind your own! 

Still there is a certain comfort in being called someone’s wife. The sense of belonging is intoxicating, and I’m glad to hear many same-sex couples celebrate that assertion. In truth I don’t personally mind it. But until not an eyelid is bat, until the bitter pill is not only swallowed but tasty, until a person’s sexual preferences are irrelevant, not grinned at or merely bore, I will call him my partner not my husband. And the more of us that are happy to neutralise this loaded denominator and strengthen the cloak of ambiguity for our friends, the better. 

I am a wedding celebrant in Bristol who specialises in bespoke wedding ceremonies, find out more here about wedding celebrants and what I can offer.

A good ceremony has a beginning, a middle and an end. It tells a story with intention, direction and meaning. But the human brain is not like this! The mind is erratic and capricious and prefers to follow a constant stream of thoughts. By the time we are adults most of us struggle to bring ourselves into a natural, genuine focus. Needless to say that when I first started facilitating women’s circles I found that we would all enter the circle with such a deluge of racing thoughts. It took us a while for our minds to settle and forget about the commotion of the day. Then we began to use this simple yet powerful word: Om. I was very grateful to discover the concentrating and clearing effects of sounding out just three Oms at the beginning of holding a circle. 

 Om is the most powerful sound I know. Right now across the globe thousands of people are sounding out this ancient mantra, in preparation for prayer or as part of their meditation. I find this alone a very calming thought. It is said that Om is the sound that the Earth makes as it vibrates with all its life and physicality. It is said that Om was the first sound ever to come into the universe. It is said to be the sound of God. A pretty big reputation!  

Any Om is a good Om because, like singing, it creates a point of focus and lowers the activity in the brain. Further than that, the vibrations are so good for your body! You will feel the ‘ooo’ (pronounced more like ‘ah’) sound in your chest and throat, and when you change to ‘mmm’ the vibrations move up to your head.  If you feel self-conscious trying it for the first time, find a time and place to practice uninhibited. The more relaxed and open your throat is the deeper your tone will be, and you may even meet your inner Buddhist monk! Go loud and long if you can. Try a minimum of three, or go for 108! (Believed to be the optimal number for sinking into a deep state of relaxation). You’ll love it. You will notice your mind is clearer and your concentration improved. 

I am a wedding celebrant in Bristol who specialises in bespoke ceremonies, find out more here about celebrants and what I can offer.

When travelling to different countries I was always gratefully surprised by how I was received as a newcomer and visitor. As a young traveller, being welcomed by so many different cultures validated my own world view, that we are all made of essentially the same stuff.

But eventually don’t we all yearn for the familiarity of our own culture, the comfort of our own environment? The novelty of difference is abandoned as we seek out the known. Therefore is it possible that a relationship -something defined by intimacy, connectedness and shared understanding- can really succeed across the chasm of cultural difference? 

When my husband and I first got together we were told directly that it was not wise to pursue a cross-cultural relationship. ‘It will take you years to overcome your cultural differences alone,’ they said. In addition to this issue, there is also the worry of cultural ‘dilution’. What will become of tradition if it is not passed down from generation to generation? If you speak different languages or practice different religions, one may get side-lined or even lost completely.  

Having been married for 6 years and together for 8, our cross-cultural relationship has not always been easy. There are many minor misunderstandings and disputes we negotiate on a daily basis. But it has been worth it. And we are still completely and deeply in love. 

It is interesting to think about how much we have changed and adapted to make the relationship work. I often wonder how many of the challenges we face are related to culture and how much is just personality. Of course it is unquantifiable.  

Since globalisation is here to stay I feel that being in a cross-cultural relationship is like taking ownership of that overwhelming inevitability. My partner and I, and our two small daughters have created a modest and unique piece of the endlessly unfolding puzzle that makes up this crazy modern world. So follow your dreams, they know the way!

I am a wedding celebrant in Bristol who specialises in bespoke wedding ceremonies, find out more here about wedding celebrants and what I can offer.