Author: Clare

  • Clare talks to BBC Radio Bristol!

    Clare talks to BBC Radio Bristol!

    I was declared a Local Expert by John Dervall from BBC Bristol! We talked about the history and origins of the expression ‘tie the knot’.

    Honestly, I really didn’t need much encouragement to chat about one of my favourite subjects! There was so much more I could have said, (but isn’t that just always the way?)

    If you don’t want to (or can’t)  listen to my melodious voice on the radio (what?) then read on as some of my favourite moments are transcribed below.

    BBC Radio Bristol John Darvall with Clare of I Do Declare Celebrant


    Where does this whole ‘tying the knot thing come from?

    “It comes from a different kind of wedding ceremony, less commonly known, called a handfasting. The couple’s hands are tied together with a selected cord or ribbon as a symbol of their love and commitment, and the knot that is tied becomes representative of their union.”


    “I have heard that some couples back in the day stayed tied together for the rest of the day, which I think sounds quite fun, a bit like a three legged race but with hands and less racing!”


    “In parts of India they also use the phrase tie the knot, it’s not just in Europe. It’s common in India during a wedding ceremony for the groom to tie a thread around the neck of the bride as a necklace and later the thread is exchanged for a gold necklace.”

    “A knot lends itself really well as a visual symbol of a commitment, something’s been agreed upon, and you can go back and see that it was so.”

    “I do a lot of very interesting, very unique weddings… The couples I work with really find their own path through the ceremony structure and really make it their own.”


    “Thank you so much for joining us, Clare Smith, Independent Celebrant of ‘I Do Declare’ (Love that!) Clare, thank you very much for being our expert!”

    Photo: “Handfasting using a braided cord 2012“
    by Susan L. Craig,
    licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0
    via Wikimedia Commons.

  • Many Kinds of Love

    Many Kinds of Love

    When people find out what I do it often sparks a conversation about love and relationships. A surprising number of people open up to me about their personal experience of love while others confess their reservations about marriage and ‘the whole death do we part thing’ (I’m uncomfortable with that too, by the way).

    I have met plenty of couples who think its ‘a bit too late’ to celebrate their relationship. Especially those who have had children or been together for many years without ever celebrating their togetherness. Some have fallen in love, bought a place together, the honeymooning period has passed and they have moved into a new kind of love which almost doesn’t ‘seem worth celebrating’.

    It’s as if the only kind of love that’s worth celebrating is that heady infatuation born on the wings of Eros. But surely this is a dreadful shame, as it undervalues the many types of love that exists between people.

    Why is it that we generally only celebrate this one? Many people do not even experience that intensity in the first place. One wonders to what extent popular culture and the fetishization of love is responsible for the lack of value people seem to place on their own unique experience.

    In a lot of cultures, at the point of marriage it is rarely the love of Eros they are celebrating. In the absence of an existing, loving relationship, the ceremony seems to focus on the years of cooperation and mutuality yet to come.

    It would be difficult to list the many versions of love or affinity that must be out there. It is hard enough for couples to describe it themselves. But I’m in a privileged position with this job since an aspect of what I do is extract the best part of a couple’s dynamic and bring it into light and into ceremony. It’s such a beautiful process.

    Having years of cooperation and reciprocity under your belt really is something to celebrate. If this is you, it’s high time to throw a party, jump the broom or perform a handfasting! Have your children write your vows based on your authentic reality, tell it like it is, and build a fire to acknowledge your fabulous past, present and future.

    I am a wedding celebrant in Bristol who specialises in bespoke wedding ceremonies, find out more here about wedding celebrants and what I can offer.

  • Building a Blessingway

    Building a Blessingway

    Here are some of the steps I usually take when building a Blessingway: 

    Consider the Vibe 

    Depending on the participants you can create a ceremony which is as reverent or casual as you wish. At the last Blessingway I held there were 2 small children playing in the adjoining room, so interruptions were inevitable!  

    The ceremony was very sweet and simple, yet the relationships between the women made the experience feel deep and expansive. Expansive enough for the mother-to-be to well up. She was happy but exhausted, finally settling into her maternity leave and the last 6 weeks before the birth of her third son.  

    It is common that a sense of anticipation builds beforehand and is felt as release when everyone is finally seated together. The mother-to-be experiences the love and trust in the room, and the sense of her ‘handing over’ or surrendering to the ceremony is often almost tangible.   

    Dedicate the Ceremony 

    I love to dedicate each Blessingway I hold to a spirit or entity which matches the mother-to-be. This ceremony was dedicated to Béfind, one of three Celtic fairies who are said to be present at every birth and bestow ‘gifts’ upon the child. Each Blessingway I perform is dedicated differently, depending on the heritage/character/requirements/etc of the mother-to-be.  

    Open the Circle 

    Once all participants are sitting together and are settled I usually open the circle. There are many ways to do this. I usually pay my respects to the four elements, four directions and the four correlating human capacities, (the body, mind, creative will and emotion). Remember to close the circle afterwards. 

    Give Blessings 

    It never ceases to overwhelm me seeing such an outpouring of love, blessings, positivity and inspiration as is bestowed upon the mother-to-be during a Blessingway. This is the true meaning of ‘Baby Shower.’ This most recent mother-to-be was given presents, but her friends also arranged a foot bath for her and her belly was painted. There was singing and hugs and poems. It was so nurturing. 

    Acknowledge the Wonder 

    I think what sets a Blessingway apart from a Baby Shower is that it cultivates a sense of awe around the imminent birth. Despite all our pre-birth planning and preparation, the underlying fact is that birthing a new person into the world is a staggering mystery and miracle. A Blessingway allows for this reality to be a part of the experience, not put aside or overlooked. 

    Acknowledging the wonder (and often the difficulty) of the birthing process gives power to the mother. It attunes her to the intensity of what is to come and gives her the confidence to be present in her body.  

    Allow the Silence 

    So give time for silence, for contemplation and for body. Although we couldn’t meditate for long I gave all participants a walnut, whole and in its shell, to hold and contemplate for a few minutes. The walnut has its own incredible symbolism and history here in the British Isles. But in the context of this Blessingway I love what it represented: The shell, round and impenetrable reminds us of the strength and protective instincts of a mother. Inside, ripening, alive with potentiality, lies the seed. 

     

    If you (or a friend) are cultivating your own divine seed in the belly(!), why not get in touch? I am an Independent Celebrant who creates and facilitates bespoke ceremonies.  

    Find out more here and you can find more information about why these ceremonies are so special on my Blessingways page. 

  • My Witchy Roots

    My Witchy Roots

    I self-initiated into the Wicca tradition on the Spring Equinox of 2005. I was 24 and so excited! I had managed to get hold of a green cloak and had packed my bag the night before. I left before dawn and walked to the nearest green space, which happened to be Alexandra Park in London. If you were walking your dog there that morning you might have spotted a be-dreadlocked young witch singing to herself in the bushes, lavishly scattering a multitude of grains around the place whilst trying to keep a candle alight in the morning dew. 

    I took another leap of allegiance in 2008 when I had the pentacle symbol etched into my thigh through a process known as scarification. I know right?! Intense. It didn’t hurt as much as having a tattoo, surprisingly. So, my witchy roots go deep I guess. I could talk about my dad’s girlfriend during my teenage years, who had a tremendous effect on my expanding spirit. Or my Grandma, who despite being a dutiful church-goer her whole life has a strong intuitive streak. And then there was the tarot deck in the bookcase of my childhood, forbidden to touch, unspoken about, but given freely to me when I asked, as an adult. 

    What does it mean to have witchcraft in my roots? I have at my disposal a wide base of knowledge regarding pagan ritual, rites, traditional and seasonal festivals, dedications, herbs, symbolism and of course the ever enigmatic practice of magick. Not all clients are interested in this, which is fine.  If you are a computer programmer, a chef or an engineer you might never have had any need for such information! But as a ceremony-writer I feel our ancestry and cultural heritage should at the very least influence my work in order for it to be meaningful and evocative. And that is of course why we all opt for ceremonies at various points in our lives: We want meaning, we want connection, we want depth. And I love this about all people, whether they have their own witchy roots or not.  


    I am a wedding celebrant in Bristol who specialises in bespoke wedding ceremonies, find out more here about wedding celebrants and what I can offer.

  • Why I Call Him my Partner not my Husband

    Why I Call Him my Partner not my Husband

     The term husband can be traced back to the Old Nordic hūsbōndi which means the house-dweller, owner or manager. The term wife originates from the old German ‘Weiß,’ meaning simply ‘woman’ but it extends out sideways to include other early forms with shameful sexual undertones. Immediately there is a mismatch in status between these two historical words. But it’s not this! This is too abstract to incite my stubborn pedantism alone. 

    IN 2021  I’m in solidarity with my LGBTQ+  friends who, at least in some circumstances, are obliged to take a risk every time they mention their relationship in a new social setting.  Imagine the already daunting task of making small talk with new people but having to avoid pronouns. This is a drop in the ocean of mitigations anyone with non-conventional preferences is required to navigate on a daily basis.  

    And it was only a few decades ago that women going for interviews would be routinely asked if they were married or single, or it could be ascertained simply by looking at their title of Miss or Mrs and the bias would be set from there…. so I’m a Ms (said Mzz) thank you very much and mind your own! 

    Still there is a certain comfort in being called someone’s wife. The sense of belonging is intoxicating, and I’m glad to hear many same-sex couples celebrate that assertion. In truth I don’t personally mind it. But until not an eyelid is bat, until the bitter pill is not only swallowed but tasty, until a person’s sexual preferences are irrelevant, not grinned at or merely bore, I will call him my partner not my husband. And the more of us that are happy to neutralise this loaded denominator and strengthen the cloak of ambiguity for our friends, the better. 

    I am a wedding celebrant in Bristol who specialises in bespoke wedding ceremonies, find out more here about wedding celebrants and what I can offer.

  • Any Om’s a Good Om

    Any Om’s a Good Om

    A good ceremony has a beginning, a middle and an end. It tells a story with intention, direction and meaning. But the human brain is not like this! The mind is erratic and capricious and prefers to follow a constant stream of thoughts. By the time we are adults most of us struggle to bring ourselves into a natural, genuine focus. Needless to say that when I first started facilitating women’s circles I found that we would all enter the circle with such a deluge of racing thoughts. It took us a while for our minds to settle and forget about the commotion of the day. Then we began to use this simple yet powerful word: Om. I was very grateful to discover the concentrating and clearing effects of sounding out just three Oms at the beginning of holding a circle. 

     Om is the most powerful sound I know. Right now across the globe thousands of people are sounding out this ancient mantra, in preparation for prayer or as part of their meditation. I find this alone a very calming thought. It is said that Om is the sound that the Earth makes as it vibrates with all its life and physicality. It is said that Om was the first sound ever to come into the universe. It is said to be the sound of God. A pretty big reputation!  

    Any Om is a good Om because, like singing, it creates a point of focus and lowers the activity in the brain. Further than that, the vibrations are so good for your body! You will feel the ‘ooo’ (pronounced more like ‘ah’) sound in your chest and throat, and when you change to ‘mmm’ the vibrations move up to your head.  If you feel self-conscious trying it for the first time, find a time and place to practice uninhibited. The more relaxed and open your throat is the deeper your tone will be, and you may even meet your inner Buddhist monk! Go loud and long if you can. Try a minimum of three, or go for 108! (Believed to be the optimal number for sinking into a deep state of relaxation). You’ll love it. You will notice your mind is clearer and your concentration improved. 


    I am a wedding celebrant in Bristol who specialises in bespoke ceremonies, find out more here about celebrants and what I can offer.

  • Ceremony as Therapy

    Ceremony as Therapy

    I used to work for an incredible organisation called The Nelson Trust. I worked supporting women with addictions and those involved in the criminal justice system. These were women who had, in many cases been given a bad hand in life, experiencing trauma or abuse at a young age, and for various reasons found substance or alcohol use as their primary coping strategy. Then they got lost in that life-destroying cycle. Their road to recovery was one of the most profound processes I have ever had the privilege to witness.  

    One time a young woman came into our treatment centre close to the 1 year anniversary of her sister’s death. She was in extreme mental turmoil and deeply uncomfortable at facing this day sober. Being new to the group she had yet to develop the friendships and support of the women around her. On the morning of the anniversary the two of us sat in the garden of the house and lit a candle. There is a brook that runs along the edge of the garden and we could hear it babble. The birds were singing. I knew there were few words that could be said to alleviate the woman’s pain. But the act of sitting with a candle transcended words. 

    There are other ceremonies and rituals that are incorporated into therapy. I helped a former sex worker say goodbye to her alias through a ceremony which involved writing a letter and burning it. ‘Cathartic’ means ‘involving the release of strong emotions through a particular activity or experience’.  Ceremony is often carthartic and healing. It is most powerful when witnessed by others. Our intentions, commitments and vows are not only heard, but they are held and anchored by those witnesses.  

    Therefore, the therapeutic power of Ceremony can nurture a confidence and resilience when nervousness or doubt creeps in. Ceremony helps us to accept changes that are already happening and can prepare us for changes still to come. Ceremony is therapeutic. It is healthy, vitalising and beautiful. 

     

    I am a celebrant in Bristol who specialises in bespoke wedding ceremonies, find out more here about ceremony and what I can offer.

  • Why Cross-Cultural Relationships Really Work.

    Why Cross-Cultural Relationships Really Work.

    When travelling to different countries I was always gratefully surprised by how I was received as a newcomer and visitor. As a young traveller, being welcomed by so many different cultures validated my own world view, that we are all made of essentially the same stuff.

    But eventually don’t we all yearn for the familiarity of our own culture, the comfort of our own environment? The novelty of difference is abandoned as we seek out the known. Therefore is it possible that a relationship -something defined by intimacy, connectedness and shared understanding- can really succeed across the chasm of cultural difference? 

    When my husband and I first got together we were told directly that it was not wise to pursue a cross-cultural relationship. ‘It will take you years to overcome your cultural differences alone,’ they said. In addition to this issue, there is also the worry of cultural ‘dilution’. What will become of tradition if it is not passed down from generation to generation? If you speak different languages or practice different religions, one may get side-lined or even lost completely.  

    Having been married for 6 years and together for 8, our cross-cultural relationship has not always been easy. There are many minor misunderstandings and disputes we negotiate on a daily basis. But it has been worth it. And we are still completely and deeply in love. 

    It is interesting to think about how much we have changed and adapted to make the relationship work. I often wonder how many of the challenges we face are related to culture and how much is just personality. Of course it is unquantifiable.  

    Since globalisation is here to stay I feel that being in a cross-cultural relationship is like taking ownership of that overwhelming inevitability. My partner and I, and our two small daughters have created a modest and unique piece of the endlessly unfolding puzzle that makes up this crazy modern world. So follow your dreams, they know the way!


    I am a wedding celebrant in Bristol who specialises in bespoke wedding ceremonies, find out more here about wedding celebrants and what I can offer.